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  • Rebecca

Comfort & Chick-Fil-A

Updated: Mar 22




Social media and I have an interesting relationship.  If we were were friends, I would be the worst. I use it all the time and yet I gripe about it all the time, sometimes even full-on saying how much I hate it and how it ruins peoples’ lives.  But then something happens that makes me rethink our relationship and question whether I’ve been fair in my assessment, like today. 


My Instagram friend checked on me.


It sounds so simple….and I’ve never been accused of being simple or basic for sure.  My emotions run deep and can bounce all over the place from minute to minute.  Complicated grief is like that.  One minute I’m fine and seem to have it all figured out and under control, and the next it’s like I’ve made no progress at all.  But what does “progress” mean anyway? Should I even be measuring grief at all? I already know the answer to that; it’s no.  No because grief is personal.  That is what progress is – understanding that there is no progress, only acceptance.  Really not even acceptance, because how can I accept that the people I love are gone?  My mind can’t accept that.  It’s really just learning to trust our Father and living in the Hope of seeing them again.  But in order to trust, I have to have a level of acceptance.


Ugh.  See how circular I can get? It’s just exhausting.  Grief is so confusing….a black hole that you dig deeper and deeper and wonder “how did I get HERE when I thought I was over THERE.”


This is where I’ve been lately, questioning where I am in all of this; questioning if sharing everyday is truly where I need to be or whether I’m needed somewhere else more; questioning if I’m really doing this for Jesus or just myself…so many questions.  And like my grieving friends, what do we do when our minds swirl with questions?


We shut down.  We do nothing.  We freeze up and disassociate and go through the motions of life….not exactly the healthiest thing to do but sometimes the necessary thing as long as we don’t stay there.  But getting out of that place is also sometimes impossible on your own when you don’t even realize how long you’ve been there.


That’s when we need a friend to step in.  And that’s exactly what happened today. 


Mason and I have a little thing we do on Monday mornings.  The boys go to a university-model school where they have 2-3 in class days (depending on their grade) and 2-3 home days.  Monday is an in-class day for Max, so I usually stop and get Chick-Fil-A breakfast for Mason on the way home from dropping him off.  This is the second time I’ve been at Chick-Fil-A waiting on breakfast when the Holy Spirit spoke to me…a pretty good argument that Chick-Fil-A is a gift from God! (insert Tim Hawkins Chick-Fil-A song here).   I’m waiting in the drive thru line and open up Instagram and see I have a message.  Honestly I’m expecting to see some kind of spam or reshare from one of my followers who, God bless her, reshares almost everything to all of her followers daily. Today was different, though.  Today it was from a friend that I’ve connected with over the past few years and I always enjoy talking to.  I open up the message and it says 4 simple words:


“Have been missing you!”


Instant tears.  Again.  In the Chick-Fil-A parking lot.  These people are going to think I have some serious issues, or maybe that I just really love my Chick-n-Minis since I cry almost every time I get them. 


Why did 4 simple words bring me to tears?  So many reasons….the first being who sent it.  This precious woman has been through UNIMAGINABLE pain and loss.  I know losing your entire family almost back to back is something most would think hard to imagine, but I simply cannot fathom having to live life after what she has been through.  I don’t even know the exact details of her loss, but I don’t have to. I know enough from her posts to know the excruciating pain she deals with daily.  We became friends by chance (or so I thought until now) when somehow I came across her account a few years back.  As she’s given glimpses into her soul through her own posting, I’ve felt a connection with her that is hard to explain.  We’ve slowly gotten to know each other and established an online friendship that is now one of my greatest treasures after today.  Why?


Because she saw me.


I was absent and she noticed.  Only someone who has been there could know that my absence was more than just inadvertent.  Only a fellow griever knows that silence means something.  Only someone with a tender, healing heart that’s been cut in two and is forever scarred could understand the roller coaster of confusion that is complicated grief. 


Not only did she notice, she reached out.  She didn’t just wonder where I was or why I hadn’t been on, she took action.  And when she took action, she didn’t jump to conclusions or start with advice or assume she knew what was going on….she simply said “I miss you.”


Y’ALL.  This is what every griever needs!!  We can all learn from this beautiful woman because she did exactly what my grieving heart needed….to be noticed, not forgotten, seen and cared about.  She went on in another message to say how much I’ve helped her but my goodness how she helped me today. And that is what grieving is all about…that is what LIFE and being human is all about.  WE NEED EACH OTHER.  We don’t need fancy words or quotes or even understanding, because honestly no one can really understand your exact moment-by-moment grief.  We just need you. The knowledge that you are here, you see us and you’re not going anywhere.  The comfort of knowing when we fall into the well, you will come down and sit with us right where we are.


Just like my beautiful friend did today. 


The Holy Spirit showed me through her, right there in the Chick-Fil-A parking lot getting God’s food 😆 that being on social media is right where I need to be right now.  Not just for others, but for me too.  I need you guys just as much as you need anything I have shared. I am so thankful for you.  Thank you for showing up and being a part of this community.  You are so needed and so loved, each and every one of you.


And Nancy….you have given me the greatest gift today. You have given me back my focus and validated what I know to be true – that we are all just walking each other home. I am so honored to be walking with you my dear friend.  I will treasure your words for the rest of my days.  ❤️

 

"A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." ~ Ecclesiastes 4:12

 

 

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