Find your Human

"By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst.” ~ Ecclesiastes 4:12

Music is the soundtrack of my life. Actually, I believe it is the soundtrack to everyone’s life. I’m also pretty sure I got that from a Dick Clark quote a long time ago, but I have claimed it for so long I can’t remember. When I was a single mom, fresh out of law school and starting my first real job in my legal career, I bought a brand-new house in a brand-new neighborhood, and then a bright, Candy- Apple red Mustang with dual exhausts and custom striping. I was so stinking proud of myself that I would blare Destiny’s Child every morning while showering for work, declaring how I bought everything myself and didn’t need a man. In fact, I had a whole single girl playlist for whenever I was happy, sad, motivated, unmotivated……there was a song for every emotion. My independence was everything to me and I swore I would never need anyone again.

And then the deaths started coming. The problem with complete independence is that it isn’t sustainable. Nor is it realistic. On the outside, I was completely self-sufficient. We are taught to leave our parents’ home and take care of ourselves, and that is absolutely correct. What we are often not taught is that this doesn’t mean we will never need help again. Could I take care of myself? Absolutely. I prided myself on how hard I worked to finish law school while going through a horrendous divorce. What I didn’t see coming around the corner was losing everyone I loved. This independent girl suddenly was swept up in a dark, unstable world with her safety net gone and no soundtrack strong enough to pull her out.

I have been extremely blessed to have some amazing friends in my life. Some were seasonal, some were long-term, and some are just like family. I don’t remember who or when but someone at some point encouraged me to go to counseling several years ago during my divorce. Although I didn’t really stick with it at the time (I mean, I had awesome playlists, right?), it changed my life. Later, when my world started falling apart, I remembered the few times I went, and it started me on a journey that would have turned out so much different if I had not listened.

My first days at therapy were awful. I felt so weak. I mean, I was the one who would never need anyone. Now most days I felt like I couldn’t even breathe right. And then…. something unexpected happened. The more I went to therapy, the more I realized going to counseling was the strongest thing I have ever done. I didn’t run. I didn’t deny. I didn’t self-medicate. I stood firm; I asked for help from people who could give me the help I needed. I realized I was in over my head and that no playlists or career could kill the pain I was feeling. When I let go of trying to control my world, I finally realized how deeply I needed my Father. And that’s when the real healing began.

We were created for connection. We are more than our education, careers, cars and houses. We are eternal souls, created by our Father to love and be loved. Find your human today; the one that will hold you up when you can’t stand; that will walk alongside you and carry you if needed on your worst days; the one that will lead you to Jesus, who loves you most of all. If that’s a therapist, great. If that’s a close friend or spouse, wonderful. Remove the mask. Take their hand. Embrace the help. You were not meant to walk this journey alone.